We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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