WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
