You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My life is pants optional.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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