I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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