i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
40s are totally the cure
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
