I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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