You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
