Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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