kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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