fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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