i think my tv is drunk
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
