quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
