Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
