I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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