'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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