first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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