I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
