Umm I'm too high to move.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
