You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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