2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
