Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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