i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
