He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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