you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
