By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
