Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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