Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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