You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
