HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We need to get me chipped asap
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