Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
