Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I love you. Go after that dick
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
