My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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