Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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