Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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