Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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