I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
