My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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