I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
