OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
