I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
