we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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