I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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