Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
