I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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