Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
