You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
