please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize