After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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