Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
