She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
