i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
