My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So squirting runs in the family.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
