Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
