I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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