is your mom at the bar?
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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