My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Welp...herpes.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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