Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
