my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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