So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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