Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
