I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
